Tonight I walked around with a friend of mine.
I am happy
that I can say anything and he will not judge me,
that I can feel comfortable telling him things that are bothering me and he will listen, because really all I actually needed was to get these ideas out of my head. Get them out in the open where they cannot hurt me or trap me in overanalyzing.
I am dreading sleep.
My roommate is gone,
and Friday nights I don't share my bed.
I do not like sleeping alone.
I like being alone.
And sometimes sleeping alone.
But,
There's always a but, isn't there?
Not tonight.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Honestly,
When it comes down to it, I am basically a selfish person.
It is much too easy to "turn on tune in and drop out," rather than focus, work for a living or an education, care.
The only constant in my attitude towards life is,
"Whatev."
It is just too easy... not... to care.
I am not sure if it is a good idea to post this as a school assignment.
Might give me a bad rep.
"Whatev."
(I am pretty sure I overgeneralize and judge myself too much.)
It is much too easy to "turn on tune in and drop out," rather than focus, work for a living or an education, care.
The only constant in my attitude towards life is,
"Whatev."
It is just too easy... not... to care.
I am not sure if it is a good idea to post this as a school assignment.
Might give me a bad rep.
"Whatev."
(I am pretty sure I overgeneralize and judge myself too much.)
Monday, September 22, 2008
More thoughts on living without sleep
I am not an insomniac.
For me, not sleeping is a lifestyle.
It is a concious choice.
I didn't sleep last night, not until 7:30 in the A.M.
I am once again awake, have been all night.
And I have four classes today.
Good choice?
YES.
For me, not sleeping is a lifestyle.
It is a concious choice.
I didn't sleep last night, not until 7:30 in the A.M.
I am once again awake, have been all night.
And I have four classes today.
Good choice?
YES.
Horrid student.
I feel like quite possibly the worst student ever right now.
Here's the deal: I got my Mondays and Tuesdays mixed up.
Well, fuck!
Mondays: Four classes, so much homework.
Tuesdays: Two classes, almost no homework.
Can I say this again?
Well, fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm sitting here at one in the A.M., just starting all my homework.
These things happen, I suppose.
Good thing I never sleep.
Here's the deal: I got my Mondays and Tuesdays mixed up.
Well, fuck!
Mondays: Four classes, so much homework.
Tuesdays: Two classes, almost no homework.
Can I say this again?
Well, fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I'm sitting here at one in the A.M., just starting all my homework.
These things happen, I suppose.
Good thing I never sleep.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
NATIVE IS A REALLY GOOD BAND!
Experienced: an hour truly spent.
Decided: to build a pool-- it was warm outdoors and I wanted to go swiming.
Today was gorgeous as days go. For some reason, I feel discontent?
Morning. 11:40, approximately
Woke up after a night of real sleep, woke up naturally-- strange.
It's always nice to wake up with someone beside you, and that's the truth.
Jordan (my roommate), Josh Devitt and I left to eat an apalling excuse for breakfast in Wege cafeteria. Then Josh Derezinski, Joel and I went on a bike ride, them on borrowed bicycles.
Afternoon. 2:00, approximately
The Eastown Street Fair. Walking to. A garage sale across the street intrigued me. I bought other people's old clothes -- colorful shorts, a dress-- gray, acid wash corduroy with ruffles and snaps-- a black lace vest, a sweater, and a shirt for Conor. Altogether, the clothing cost $4.25.
(writing makes me feel better).
The Street Fair was, is, and will continue to be wonderful.
MUSIC PEOPLE THINGS TO BUY
CONSUMERISM/ENTERTAINMENT
It was hot. And I felt sick from the Wege food. Everyone else went to dinner, and I built a pool.
Materials:
One white storage container w/ lid
One small red trash can
WATER
Oh, you clever, resourceful college student.
I filled the bin on smoker's island with WATER using the garbage can (felt like an African woman hauling water home except I didn't balance the can on my head). Ideally placed pool, well shaded, cool. Laid in my personal swiming pool wearing a bathing suit (black and white, retro) and sunglasses, smoking a Marlboro Red 100, BY MYSELF. I felt very eccentric. VERY WEIRD. but I did what I wanted, accomplished a goal, and it was OK.
DETERMINATION: to live as truly as the children I'm watching dance right now.
Decided: to build a pool-- it was warm outdoors and I wanted to go swiming.
Today was gorgeous as days go. For some reason, I feel discontent?
Morning. 11:40, approximately
Woke up after a night of real sleep, woke up naturally-- strange.
It's always nice to wake up with someone beside you, and that's the truth.
Jordan (my roommate), Josh Devitt and I left to eat an apalling excuse for breakfast in Wege cafeteria. Then Josh Derezinski, Joel and I went on a bike ride, them on borrowed bicycles.
Afternoon. 2:00, approximately
The Eastown Street Fair. Walking to. A garage sale across the street intrigued me. I bought other people's old clothes -- colorful shorts, a dress-- gray, acid wash corduroy with ruffles and snaps-- a black lace vest, a sweater, and a shirt for Conor. Altogether, the clothing cost $4.25.
(writing makes me feel better).
The Street Fair was, is, and will continue to be wonderful.
MUSIC PEOPLE THINGS TO BUY
CONSUMERISM/ENTERTAINMENT
It was hot. And I felt sick from the Wege food. Everyone else went to dinner, and I built a pool.
Materials:
One white storage container w/ lid
One small red trash can
WATER
Oh, you clever, resourceful college student.
I filled the bin on smoker's island with WATER using the garbage can (felt like an African woman hauling water home except I didn't balance the can on my head). Ideally placed pool, well shaded, cool. Laid in my personal swiming pool wearing a bathing suit (black and white, retro) and sunglasses, smoking a Marlboro Red 100, BY MYSELF. I felt very eccentric. VERY WEIRD. but I did what I wanted, accomplished a goal, and it was OK.
DETERMINATION: to live as truly as the children I'm watching dance right now.
Friday, September 19, 2008
Unfortunately...
Unfortunately, most perceptions are just that: perceptions.
p.s.
I'm angry, my blog post yesterday somehow did not post, and now I have to write a new one.
p.s.
I'm angry, my blog post yesterday somehow did not post, and now I have to write a new one.
Wednesday, September 17, 2008
try to make an effort.
I don't make choices.
Beyond what cereal I'd like to buy from Family Fare, I am hopeless.
Anything more complex than that, and I just don't do it.
Complex situations scare me.
Not that I couldn't think them through,
if I tried.
I just don't want to put in the effort.
And maybe I am afraid that if I did try, I still wouldn't understand.
I really have no boundaries on this online journal. I've noticed that other students in my class hesitate to get personal. For some reason, I've never really been worried. This format effectively psychologically distances me from my audience.
It's kind of nice.
Gives me a chance to be honest with myself as well as the world.
Beyond what cereal I'd like to buy from Family Fare, I am hopeless.
Anything more complex than that, and I just don't do it.
Complex situations scare me.
Not that I couldn't think them through,
if I tried.
I just don't want to put in the effort.
And maybe I am afraid that if I did try, I still wouldn't understand.
I really have no boundaries on this online journal. I've noticed that other students in my class hesitate to get personal. For some reason, I've never really been worried. This format effectively psychologically distances me from my audience.
It's kind of nice.
Gives me a chance to be honest with myself as well as the world.
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