4:42 in the morning. Sunday.

The brain is filled with gaps as if ecstasy really did eat holes in it
Snap crackle & pop
I should focus
I should start working on my projects but
Now at 4:42 in the morning on Sunday it just seems so futile
Strange thoughts… I just, for some reason, missed Adam. Probably because at this point I’m idealizing his memory and I have pretty much forgotten the searing psychological pain he caused me.
I wonder what Joel is writing about.
I wonder what Joel is writing about.
It occurs to me that so much of my life is based on fear
Fear that I won’t survive long enough to do what I want to do
Fear that people won’t like or accept or listen to my words or care
That’s what’s really getting me right now
People not listening
I listen
I always listen
Listening is so important especially after fight club how they spoke about people really listening, not just waiting for their turn to speak
After I read that book and saw that movie and heard and read the words I strove to really listen, to really care, to give my friends and the people around me true attention
Lately I’ve been straying from that and I am disappointed in myself
Ever since I realized that a lot of the time no one listens to me I have caught myself not listening
Or listening and not comprehending or paying attention
It disgusts me.
I am so disappointed that my friends don’t listen to me though a lot of the time.
I know I talk kind of a lot
But I mean it’s a basic human need to be heard
And maybe if someone tries to understand it’s really nice
And if someone does understand it’s even nicer

“it's interesting how your words change me
and
how this music makes me tap my foot
i will always remember that”
thank you, Frank